But, We Had a Connection...

So this is what happened: 

I was minding my own business (typical disclosure) when I happened upon (that means I was reading my facebook “group” pages for topics I’d like to discuss in more detail) this post (slightly altered to protect the innocent): 

So, I (a stud) started talking to this girl on the internet. We really had a great vibe. We exchanged pictures and I really was attracted to her. She had nice long hair, dressed girly-girl (which I liked) and she was pretty. I was pleasantly surprised when we got along well on top of it, and we agreed to meet. When we went on the first date she dressed and looked exactly like the photos (whew). Dinner was great (I paid) and we shared a great kiss at the end of the evening. We immediately made plans to meet up again. We were dating for months when suddenly during a casual dinner out she showed up looking ... well... pretty much like me. Her hair was pulled back away from her face, she was wearing pants and a dress shirt (not blouse -- a shirt) and even her mannerisms were more like mine. I wasn’t a fan. I was still attempting to process this new development over dinner when she asked me where I got my hair cut. She said that she was thinking about cutting off her “to the middle of her back” tresses and sporting a style that more fit her likes. She said that she had come to the conclusion that she was more masculine identifying than feminine identifying and asked what I thought of that. What should I do? I’m not attracted AT ALL to her when she is looking more like a boi than the femme I thought she was. She said that she was afraid I wouldn’t date her if she told me in the beginning so approached me as a femme. She’s still a nice woman, but I don’t want to date someone who looks like me. 

The comments this person got for posting this question were over the top. “You don’t deserve her!” “This is what’s wrong with our community today.” “You sound so superficial and stupid with that sh*t” and then my favorite of all lines, “Well, you fell in love with her for her, not her clothes.” 

When people portray themselves as someone else and they get caught, they always say things like -- "Well, you fell in love with me -- not my job." or "You fell in love with me, not my clothes." or "You fell in love with me for what was in the inside and our connection, not what I look like." It’s like there’s a handbook and this page is highlighted AND dog-eared so nobody misses it. 

Turn on any episode of Catfish and you’ll hear the same thing. A boy acting like he was a woman the whole time then meeting a guy can not think that his cyber skills will make up for the fact that he lied about HIS GENDER. A woman who claims she is a model and entrepreneur like Tyra Banks but then shows up and is overweight, barely making ends meet will immediately utter those words we Catfish watchers (and those of us who have experienced the nightmare of being catfished) know and hate: “But we had a connection. I only did this because I didn’t think you could fall in love with me the way I looked. But you did love me. And you can love me again. I’m still the same person.” That right there. “I’m still the same person.”  No. You. Are. Not. 

You, my poor delusional friend, are a liar. Everything you said, every lie you told to continue the front of being girly when you weren’t, of being a model when you weren’t, of being a female when you weren’t was a lie. Every time you opened up your mouth you were a big bold face fat ugly liar. And the person I (or anyone who has been in this predicament) liked/loved/was fond of was THAT person. And THAT person again was what? Yeah. A liar. 

I can be as petty and superficial as I want to be. I can go after the prettiest girl or boi I want to. That’s MY decision. MY decision does not give a person a right to prey off of my superficiality by being the person they feel I would potentially fall for. 

For the record I’m not that kind of superficial. But I do have preferences. I have likes and dislikes, though varied. But the connection I have to a person is built on who they are. And who they are is colored by the truths (and the lies) they tell. You have absolutely no right to even suggest that same connection still exists or even SHOULD exist. 

So back to the scenario of the woman who fell in love with the girl who was a girly girl and now because of net bullying is made to feel like an asshole because she no longer wants to be with this girl who is a liar. 

Really, fam?  Really?