Bitter.

She told me she was surprised that I wasn't bitter with all the stuff I've been exposed to. I told her I was too nice for that. But I think it's more that I push things away and don't think about things as much (See post about saving emails (DELETE) for later reference.)

I usually walk away. I state that I'm done and I swallow back all the things that I want to say. The next time I talk to the offending party, I've forgotten all about my gripes.

Sort of.

It's my blog, right? And reading people's rants is sort of entertaining, so this blog post won't be a total wash, right?

Alright then.

I am more than aware of how you tried to play me. I thought you were one of the mature ones, but really you were just in disguise: a child playing with adult toys pretending like you could read directions. You played the whole "I shouldn't be telling you this, and she said not to say anything to you but..." cards left and right and I arranged the cards by suit, ignoring that you, my darling, were a spade. The fact that you told me things that you weren't suppose to tell me because you needed to figure shit out didn't escape me. And that's when I stopped trusting anything you had to say. You were successful in making me back away from your cash cow, though. Did you eat it all at once or is there still parts of it in your freezer? You won another prize that you probably weren't counting on, and that is the end of whatever faux friendship we had in whatever fantasy reality we created here on facebook. Because, see, a person who tells you things in confidence that you run to talk to me about does not make you anyone I'm going to trust any part of myself with. Ever again.

I never hung around girls like you in high school, so your little methods escaped me at first. The whole "I don't like this person and here's why and I'm staying away..." while dumping information on me so that I would feel the same while supporting you so you could then run back and probably tell the other person all the things I said while I moved out of the way ... yeah. I didn't hang around girls in school that did that type of thing. I should have remembered my friend criteria for when I got to be forty-seven. Didn't think I needed to. No matter. You're both trifling. 

I'm too trusting in that I feel perfectly safe telling people all kinds of things about myself. But I won't do that again. Whatever I tell anyone, I'll have control over. I'll place it here in my blog and you can chew on it and spit it out when the flavor has gone. I have someone I can trust my secrets to now. I don't need you anymore.

Please don't mistake my anger with bitterness. I'm not bitter, I'm awake. There is a difference. Bitter would mean I take all my irritation I have with you and place it on other people, making them pay for your sins instead of letting you have it.


You don't deserve my friendship, my trust... damn, you don't even deserve this post written about you. But here it is. Just for you. With a nice juicy red bow around it and a tag written in a language only you will understand.

Stay the hell away from me. 

I don't need people like you in my life anymore.

You're taking up space for people who have earned a rightful place. People who respect how difficult it is to be here. People who won't collect data in an attempt to control me or keep me away from something or someone they want. People who have honor and who are decent human beings.

Yes, this is about you. No need to send me a message asking if it is. 

Goodbye.