I Don't Want To Cheat...

Can I just say how much I hate hearing (or reading) "I don't want to cheat on her, but..." ?!!

I can? Thank you.

I hate hearing people say about how they don't want to cheat. People say it as if they expect the hand of God to come out of the sky, reach down, and yank them away from all temptation. They say it like they are walking around, and some woman's vagina is propped up on the corner of 69 and Main, the sidewalk is crooked, and they are about to fall in but they don't want to cheat so someone please help.

I was in my twenties when I had this whole cheating thing figured out.

I was dating a man (yes, I was dating a man,) and he was being a total... dick. I was walking Jack at the park when this woman came over and introduced herself and started to play with my dog, commenting about how her dog had died and blah blah blah. Now, I was walking away from her and she was following me for a good three blocks when I noticed that she was just walking with me to talk to me (or play with my dog, not sure which was more prevalent in her mind.) I was pissed off at the person I was dating at the time, this attractive woman was giving me some much needed attention, and then she asked me for my number. Just as I was about to give her my number, thinking that -- hey -- she was a woman and probably not at all gay and besides, everyone needed more friends and I wasn't really going to do anything, we would just talk a little, it dawned on me that what I was doing was wrong. There was a little glimmer of something going on inside of me that told me that this was not going to be so innocent after all. And rather than risk cheating on someone, I declined the offer of "hanging out some time."

It's really easy to want attention and affection from someone else when the person you are with isn't available to give it to you. But you fix that shit or you break up before you cheat. There is no excuse for cheating on someone. None. They cheated on you and you want to get back at them? How about break up and find someone better. That's some great revenge. You need love and sex? How about you break up and find someone who can give it to you the way you'd like or masturbate until you get it. Cheating is just lazy. It's easier for people to run away from their issues into the arms or bed of someone new instead of breaking things off and handling your business like a grown up. 

When you cheat, you're presenting yourself to the world as an ugly, untrustworthy, greedy, selfish, immature and self-centered person.If you even utter the words "I don't want to cheat" you're a liar, too. You DO want to cheat, you just want someone who has more brains than you to talk you out of it.

The next time I hear someone say "I don't want to cheat but...." I'm going to call them a cheater and virtually kick them in their throats and warn their girlfriend/wife/lover.

That's all I gotta say about that.