Subtleties

subtlety |ˈsətltē|
noun ( pl. -ties)
the quality or state of being subtle : the textural subtlety of Degas.
• a subtle distinction, feature, or argument : the subtleties of English grammar.
ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French soutilte, from Latin subtilitas, from subtilis ‘fine, delicate’ (see subtle ).

This is the second time I've seen Jay in person. Even though we've talked for what would probably add up as years, seeing her in person -- up close and personal -- is a new experience. I'm trying not to stare as I know that gets on her nerves (ok, it doesn't get on her nerves but I can't imagine it's comfortable when your girl keeps staring at you...) and she feels that I'm a bit of a stalker when I do, but I have to soak up as much of her as I possibly can, then I can draw on my memory later when we're back on the phone -- our normal mode of communication.

When she says "What?" I'll picture the tilt of her head -- slight in moment but loud in meaning. I'll picture the little shrug she does and the smile she has on her face when she does it -- usually when she makes a point.

There are little subtleties of her that I love.

Last night when we were in bed, she curled up behind me. But she did it in this way that's all Jay-- like she knew the spot to curve and bend around me, or where to slip her hand around my waist, the place to rub my thumb. I'm learning to appreciate the way she touches me, or holds my hand and always in her quiet and comfortable way.

I like the way she touches me. 

I'm learning to be a bit more subtle. Learning to relax into the moment a bit more -- take things as they come and not be so quick to rush to conclusions, rush to judgements, or rush away from the moment and just "be." I have a feeling that I will be learning a whole lot about myself in these calmer moments.

How funny that while I'm getting to know all about Jay, I'm getting to know more about myself as well.

It's an exciting and beautiful thing.