Not So Sweet Little Lies

I can talk endlessly about lies. It's gotten to be a pastime for me: picking up on lies and finding lies in every day conversations. I think I may be able to feel them. I get a slight shiver up my spine and then I just get pissed off. Nothing makes me angrier than people attempting to "pull one over on me." When a person lies, they are assuming that you are too stupid to bust them. That's one of the biggest insults to me.

I hear lies all the time on Lesbian Love and Advice. Here are some of my favorites:

1. It's not you, it's me.  What does this statement even mean? Of course it's "me" (or in this case you.) If you were the girl she needed you to be (or wanted you to be), then she would be able to open up or be vulnerable or whatever it is. So the fact that she is unable to, means that she sees a flaw in you and that flaw is what is preventing her from continuing the relationship. Now, of course I'm going to tell a person who has heard this lame ass excuse that they are not to blame. I don't believe in changing for another person (more on that later) but the fact remains, this bullshit statement is a lie. She doesn't even believe it's true, it's just a way of getting out of telling you what she finds lacking in your person. 
2. I am not ready for anything serious right now.  What this means is "I just want to fuck who I want to without any accountability." Or it could mean that she does not want to have a relationship with you personally, but is more than willing to have a relationship with someone else with qualities she desires. Trust me, I may "think" I'm not ready for anything serious with one person, but then one day someone comes along with every quality I have desired and now my "readiness" is no longer an issue. That degree I was always putting off? Suddenly I'm enrolled in classes. My new fitness goals? I'm now hitting the gym and have returned to weight watchers. My commitment issues? I'm as loyal as they come. You get the picture: she is not ready for anything serious right now WITH YOU. Realize that and move on. 
3. I just can not do a long distance relationship.  While this might be true for several people and not directly a "lie" per se, what one needs to ask is why a person can't do a long distance relationship, because anyone can do one, most people just don't want to. They don't want to deal with the distance and the cost and the lack of physical intimacies or the trust issues or whatever. But again, they will in a heartbeat if you are worth it to them, believe that. Janelle has told me several times that she never wanted a long distance relationship before. She had million alphabetized reasons why she didn't want one. But now look at us: long distancing away and blissfully happy about it. I didn't change her mind. She changed hers when she assessed the risk and determined that it was worth it. So if someone says they can't, understand they can, they just won't with you.   
4. I don't want to ruin our friendship.  I saved the best for last. I call bullshit on this one too because this is the thing: If you are with someone intimately you are still their friend. You haven't given up anything. It's only if you break up that you risk losing the friendship. So if you are already assessing whether or not the relationship will work and utter those famous words ("I don't want to ruin our friendship",) you have already determined that that relationship will not succeed or the chances of the relationship succeeding is not in your favor. Saying "We're not going to stay together long and it's not worth potentially ruining our friendship" sounds awful though, so we stick to "I don't want to ruin our friendship."

So, there you have it: my four biggest lies that I hear all the time from members on Lesbian Love and Advice and friends of mine. Hell, I've even used a few of these lies myself. It's not intentional, it's automatic, these excuses, but they are still untruths.  I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble or ruin anyone's game, I just think that truth gives us the opportunity to move on and stop wasting our time with certain individuals. When people hear these types of lies, the tendency is to keep hearts open and possibilities still on the horizon. You miss out on meeting a person who is really right for you. You miss out on being with someone who knows they have a future with you and there ain't nothin' sweet about that.

Think about it.