You Femmes...

I'm trying to figure something out.

Why does "You Femmes" in response to something I say irritate me? It's not ten on the scale of irritations, but it's definitely over the five mark.

When my mother starts forgetting how many times she's asked me the same thing I don't flippantly tell her, "You Elders!" without answering her question. She wouldn't slap me, but her death stare would probably do the same thing.

When my father takes out his pocket knife and proceeds to dig out a splinter from his palm I don't say "You Men."

When my cousin exclaims about how easy her life was living in a suburb of California and having had a pony when she grew up I don't laugh and say, "You white Girls."

I also don't ever say to my girlfriend who doesn't really identify as a boi or a stud but sort of falls into the boi category, "You Bois" when she mumbles about being dragged through the mall by her mother.

I'm not my label. My personality and my choices and my decisions are things that are a part of me. And while they might fall into whatever stereotype a femme falls into, please allow me to explain, for clarification and understanding (which is what I'm assuming the throwing around of labels is attempting to do in some passive way) who exactly I am and why I might act the way I do and why that falls into many categories -- not just being a "you femme."

I like pink. Maybe my liking pink is something to do with my surroundings. Maybe not. I like nail polish and makeup and I call my shirts blouses and I only wear t-shirts when I'm working out or when I sleep. I like shoes but heels are fricken uncomfortable, so if I wear them I'm kicking them off as soon as we get to a location where I can. I like earrings and "girly" things, if you must. But I also can bait my own hook. I spent most of my childhood digging up worms in my back yard near the lake and threading rusty hooks through their squirmy little bodies. My father had a stump by the dock and when we caught enough fish for the day we would then scale, gut, and prepare the fish to eat. When I was about twelve years old I learned how to pan fry fish the way my daddy did. I also camped, know how to set up a tent, and could probably survive longer in the wilderness than my girlfriend could -- mostly because she hates the word "camp." I'm not afraid to swim in a lake -- those are the things that don't have sandy or rocky bottoms, by the way. I know how to sail, canoe, and drive a speed boat. I also know what to do if the motor floods, and I'm good with a set of oars. Learned that shit on the lake, not in a gym by the way. In addition to the above skills, I grew up with three brothers. I spent the better part of my forty-four years not talking about my emotions. Not showing my weakness. Not crying when someone hurt my feelings. Not flinching when boys set off firecrackers under my feet. I know first hand what it takes to not dissect my feelings to death and not hang onto old arguments. I know how to pretend that stepping on a nail doesn't hurt and how to "shake off" being punched in the gut -- either literally or figuratively, by the way.

You who say "you femme" in a way to summarize my life or my experiences, do not know me.

I'm not a sum of characteristics someone else has laid out based on stereotypes of me. And even if I was, how is that even an okay response for anything I've ever said? How is that even helpful?

I have seen just as many studs and bois and butch women obsess over the same type of stuff they accuse femmes of obsessing over. It takes me a minute to get ready to go out, but I knew a boi who could pack five suitcases (two just for her shoes) in comparison to my two suitcases and take twice as long getting ready to go anywhere. I've seen studs who don't want to get people mad at them so don't say a word ever about their mistreatment. I've seen studs who cry when they don't get their own way. I've seen studs who are passive aggressive, who play mind games and manipulate circles around any femme who supposedly does that in her sleep. We are all women, so we all have a level of emotional ability that allows us to nurture and be sensitive and have a certain ability to bond with another person in a way that fewer males by design are capable of doing. Just because you're male identified does not mean that you are, indeed, a male genetically.

Just because you are male identified does not mean that you have a dick, no matter how much you may try to act like one. You just might be acting like a "femme" your own damned selves. Don't get it twisted.

*deep breath*

Just please, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop summarizing all of me by my label, because I will, in true femme fashion (sarcasm intended), kick you in your pretend balls "you bois" go around holding.

To quote my boifriend: That is all.