I am a lesbian and I am currently with a woman that I adore. She does not consider her self gay, she just fell in love with me as I did with her, and we have been discussing this subject. She knows her family will never accept this life style because they are very religious and do not believe or accept homosexuality, so I am a secret to her family and it's really starting to bother me. I am in need of guidance of my situation. I love this woman to death but I know no one will ever know because she is not in a position to let anyone even her close friends know of me.
There is so much to write about on the subject of religion, and I foolishly thought I could just write it in a few hours. But I can't. It's too important and it's too intricate for me to just throw out a bunch of paragraphs and think I've done anything of value. I promise I will come back to Homosexuality and the Bible, but it will have to wait until I can properly do it justice.
But this letter is important and I will graze the subject of religion in answering it.
It's fine if your girlfriend doesn't consider herself gay, but she is entering into a gay relationship or same sex relationship, if you will. And that is important because sometimes in homophobic families people skate on by by not naming what they are doing and how they are feeling. If you are out of the closet and in a same sex relationship and want to say you aren't "gay" but everyone knows your girlfriend and you live out in the open then that's one thing. But saying you aren't anything is ... well... that's a tiny red flag for me.
*big breath*
Bottom Line:
As long as you are a secret, you are battling the closet you fought hard to come out of. As long as you are someone's secret, you are hiding a part of who you are. And as long as you hide a part of who you are, the more likely you are to feel ashamed. And feeling ashamed will lead to being angry -- and anger turned inward turns to depression. This is not healthy in any way, shape, or form.
I have a few suggestions: Find a church that is gay Friendly. Find and speak to a person in the church who can help you understand completely the literature that has been used against gay people (and black people and women and ....) and learn what the Bible is really saying about you. Bring your girlfriend with you. See if the pastor of the church offers counseling or find a counselor on your own who is familiar with LGBTQ issues. Watch and read any literature on the Bible and homosexuality you can get your hands on starting with "For the Bible Tells Me So."
If she does not eventually come out, despite her families beliefs, then she is in danger, and she is not open to being a suitable partner for you. It will be too hard on you (as you hint at in your letter) to be the secret. You might start to resent her, and that would be unfair. To both of you.
I thought I might be able to write a blog about religion and homosexuality today -- but I can't. It's just so much to get into and I have limited time at the moment. But I will talk about it -- a little bit at a time. For now let me say that the Bible does not condemn homosexuality. The Bible condemns people's misuse of each other for spiritual gain or for political gain. The examples in the bible of "homosexual acts" are just that -- acts. There is no homosexual relationship in the bible that is condemned -- there is only a bunch of behavior that is frowned upon. If God hated homosexuals as much as the fundamental Christians would like for us to believe, why doesn't he ever mention it? And why doesn't Jesus EVER say one single word about it. All the lessons on the mountains and all the fishing trips he and the disciples went on? You'd think he would have something to say about homosexuality if it was such a big deal, right?
Anyway -- it's a big subject. And I'm sorry that you're having to deal with it in your relationship. Take good care and find someone who can help you through this, bit by bit.
Good luck.
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