I know it's been forever since I've written. It's not that I don't have things to write about (or muse about. or bitch about. or laugh about...,) it's that I have so much on my mind that it's sometimes hard to squeeze it all into a topic I can write about in five or six paragraphs.
Since I can't sleep, I decided to just ... babble.
I'll be leaving for Omaha in twelve days. Janelle lives there in case you're wondering what the hell I'm doing moving to Omaha. And I'm not moving to Omaha YET. I'm just ... visiting Omaha. Trying it on for size. Seeing how we fit together. Omaha, I mean. Maybe Janelle, too. But mostly Omaha.
If you've caught Janelle's blog, you probably have heard that while Janelle and I have pretty much accepted the fact that we will be together indefinitely, there are certain things we haven't done yet. I'm pretty sure she mentioned that. Didn't she? Last few blogs, probably? Anyway... yeah. Ok, so this is the scoop on all of that.
When you're in a long distance relationship, there is this weird dichotomy. Part of you knows your girlfriend better than you know yourself. I know that in a few hours, she's going to wake up because she has to use the bathroom at the same time every morning. She'll message me in about five hours asking me if I am awake, and those texts will continue every hour (which really shows great restraint as I know she'd probably text me every five minutes because she has the patience of a fruit fly...as do I) until I wake up. I know when she's about to ask me what I'm doing. I know that as soon as I answer a question she asks me, she'll tell me "never mind, Babe" because she will have already found the answer on her own. I joke about us being an old married couple but I really believe that there's a large part of us that is. And it's cute. So I know her. I know what she's thinking a lot of times, and I also know that we can sit on the phone having conversations while neither of us talks. But it's more than all that cliche canned stuff. I know her. And I breathe with her even when I can't feel the rise and fall of her chest.
So while we know one another mentally, we still don't know each other all that well physically. We're still awkward for the first few hours -- matching what we have learned about one another with the actual physical being of the person we have come to know. It's strangely beautiful and scary as hell all at the same time. When we were in Minnesota, it took until the time she left (well, maybe a few days before) until I knew I knew her. Until the physical know of her matched up with the mental know of her. If that makes any sense. We were together for eleven days. This time we will be together for thirty something. In Minnesota we had eleven days where we were physically together many hours. This time I'll be physically getting to know her at the same time I'm physically getting to know a city. And she'll be working. It's likely that we may never be physical during the entire trip. I wish I could say "just kidding" after that statement.
Nope. Still not saying it.
We'll be fine. I'm not really all that worried. But it is interesting. And it does take a certain amount of patience and understanding because this whole Long Distance Relationship for over -- what? six months now? - is challenging. It's not at all easy. Very much worth it. But not at all easy. And I thought I'd be honest about it because it might help someone else who is insane enough to be in a long distance relationship. Some of the best art happens by a insane artist's hand. I'm just sayin'. ;)
All this trepidation aside, this is the happiest I've been in a long time. It's not just the Janelle Cupcake factor, it's moving towards something I want and need in my life. It's the starting on a new journey with someone who gets me, wants me, and loves me. It's taking a leap forward -- not knowing where I'll land, but knowing I'll be fine when I do.
Ready, set, go!
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